warning: rambling ahead!

So I used to think I had to write a blog post in its entirety and post it right away. Why? Don't know. But as I read other blogs, I've realized that some people write a post over a course of a couple, few, several days and post it later. I think I'll try that. I anticipate, however, that this means some of my posts will be rambling, disjointed, random bits of information and thoughts that seem to have no connection whatsoever other than the author. Oh well.

Let's start with: Who is your hero?

I've had a hard time nailing down a hero. I have a very stringent (some might say unrealistic) requirements for a "hero". I expect perfection. Someone that I would rather be other than myself. An idealistic, perfect of myself I suppose.

Lately I've realized that if I keep applying these stringent requirements, that I will never find a hero. When was the last time you met a "perfect" person? And that is sad. I think everyone should have a hero. The embodiment of the person they strive to become.

I have many people I admire, some more so than others, but in each there are flaws that stop me from putting them up on the "hero" pedestal. If I could just carve out these flaws, or put the best in many people into one person, I think I would find my hero. Or there are people who are portrayed as perfection, such as Ghandi or Mother Teresa - why aren't they my hero? Because I am cynical and I think there must be some flaw there that nobody is pointing out - or because nobody knows them well enough. After all, have they achieved the balance in life that I am looking for? It seems that they have given their entire life to one cause or mission and have not achieved that elusive (or is it mythical?) "work life balance" that I am forever chasing after.

But that's just stupid, right?

I have not yet identified the new set of guidelines I should follow, but I have found a hero. Two, actually. My kids. My kids are my heroes. Aside from occasional, irrational fears that small children tend to have - they embody the ideals that I wish I could achieve (or go back to?).

They are eternally optimistic ("perhaps the 20th time I ask for something I'll stop getting "no" for an answer?"). They are, for the most part, fearless, thinking they can jump over tall buildings in a single bound ("What can't I dive off the couch head first?"). They are open to learn anything without the acknowledgment that they might be incapable of doing so or fear of failure or a disastrous results ("Can you do it? Yes you can!" - Bob the Builder). They see the wonderment in everything ("Look! Another bird! More fascinating and differently beautiful than the other bird I just saw five minutes ago!"). Everything is shiny and new without the baggage of cynicism.

How wonderful (and yes inherently dangerous) it would be to keep that innocent optimism throughout your life.

I strive to go back to that, with a liberal dose of common sense of course (Yes, I understand I can't jump off a high object head first into the ground). I think I am too cynical, much of a naysayer - often playing the devil's advocate in discussions with friends, coworkers and, sometimes unfortunately, my bosses. Too infrequently do I go outside my comfort zone and challenge myself due to fear of failure.

So my kids are my heroes. I guess whether they stay my heroes will be, largely, up to me......don't we all want to shape our children into the kind of adults we wish we could be?

I hope that someday my kids will think I'm their hero.